Of the first new skirt

I just wanted to show you the first thing I've made for lolita in a while.
I wish I had a better picture of me wearing it, but this way my sheep gets to photo bomb.

Baaa(ts)~ <3

I know it's been a while between posts. I have a lot going on and I'm trying not to let anxiety get the best of me in between Getting Stuff Done. Until next time!

Of tags and Mabon

I've been wanting to clean up the tag system for quite some time.  It's a mess. And that's why the newest posts aren't tagged. It's hard to do this from a phone so I may have to wait till my laptop is either working or replaced. But here is the new list of categories (possibly to be updated later) so you'll know and so I won't forget them.

Works -- Crafting, sewing, art, music, writing. Anything creative. I thought about "craft" or similar as a tag but it doesn't seem broad enough to include art and writing, plus I'm a Witch so it might get confused with the Craft. ;)

Witchstuff -- Speaking of, anything related to my faith will go here. Like those giant questionnaires I like filling out. >.> Or oh that reminds me, I have a goth tarot deck I should show y'all.

Events -- Lolita meetups, NaNoWriMo write-ins, rituals and festivals, goth clubs, conventions, random parties. Those go here. If a post has, say, 5+ pictures, I'll try to add *Pic Spam* in the title.

OotD -- Outfit of the Day! For posts that include an outfit post, obviously. I'll be sewing more so I hope to post these more often.

Challenges -- So I can keep track of multi-day questionnaires and challenges that might come around the blogosphere.

Loves -- Things I like. Was going to be "fandom" but I want to include  things like other blogs, and online stores.

Goals -- Wherein I ramble about my plans for the future. Like webcomics, and recording my songs...

Personal -- My personal life and thoughts on things. This may be a more serious category. That post on depression would go here. Although, this category may include a more silly, "misc" side as well? We'll see.

--

Right now I'm really excited about the Mabon ritual I'm going to tomorrow night. It's an open group rather than a coven. After growing up in a cult, I can't stand the thought of submitting myself to religious leadership (although it may work for other people).

I don't often get to share my spirituality with others, so I can't wait to go and make friends. I'm really shy though, not least because this is so important to me. And well, I grew up having to defend and debate my feelings and views about religion, in ways I was almost never prepared to.

But even so, I don't want to get tongue-tied (unless it's because of my stuttering). I want to tell people that I work with the Horned God, in a strange, wonderful combination of Deity and lover, and how much he means to me. And I want to sing my hymns someday for people who'd appreciate them. ...You have no idea how hard that was to type out! But there. Yes. Anyway. Until next time!

Of dreams

A lot has happened in the past week -- well, fortnight. I'm finally learning to drive, and I've been working on the script for my webcomic. But the main thing I want to show you is a book I came across at the library. It's called Make Your Creative Dreams Real, by SARK. I think building a lolita wardrobe certainly counts as a creative dream!

I'd love to share my answers to questionnaire I filled out, but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to publish the questions? So let me just share a snippet where I wrote down what my ideal life would look like.

I publish my webcomic every day. I have a full wardrobe of the clothes I actually love. I sew and craft for my online store. I'm a lighthouse to people who want to fulfill their dreams, through my blog and other ways. My house is clean and shows my aesthetic. I perform my songs with a metal band. I have a large community of friends I can hang out with any time. My translation work is fulfilling and supports me. I can support others. I'm not adversely affected by my mental health. I'm involved in something to make the world better. 

It made me cry to write that, because it seems so far away. But this book made me feel like I can make it happen. I hope that it will inspire you as well. 

Of an eclipse-graced birthday

I turned 27 on the day of the eclipse. I wish I'd done a ritual or something, but I didn't even see it because I'm in L.A. However, I did dress in lolita for the first time in a long while. So, pics!

Annabelle Lee also dressed up!

(That dress turned out...really roomy. She should probably have a petticoat to go with it.)

And most of the rest of the herd.

Of capes and crafting

Hello, Ballroom dancers! I have returned from the trip I took to see extended family. To cope with the stress of long days on the road, and of being shoved partway back into the closet (although many people were a lot more accepting than I'd expected), I crocheted a trans pride cape.

It has butterflies (I like the symbolism) in the first two stripes,  and a shell pattern lower down. Then there's that rather complicated edging. I kept running out of pink yarn...

The clasp is a mermaid and says "mermaid at heart" (both true and, again, symbolic).

I'm really proud of it! Although,  it was weird working in such bright colors.

Now that I'm back, I want to work on getting into the translation business, although that seems really hard and scary right now. I'm also trying to finally learn to drive. I scheduled yet another learner's permit test this morning.

Speaking of long held goals, I bought fabric today! They had the Halloween stuff out, so walking in there was like a wonderland. I almost couldn't restrain myself.

But look. This is going to be a skirt. My first lolita piece in quite a while.

Black and spiderwebs and bats! Now that's more like it.

Of old songs

I've finished threading my sewing machine, although I may not actually start sewing until I get back from the family road trip. But still! I'm going to tackle a cosplay I was making for someone, of which I've already cut out the pieces. I just hope I can remember how to put them together. (The fabric is green, which for this goth loli is a really unusual color to be working with!)

While my laptop's been in the shop I'm working on organizing my old songs  that are set in the books I'm writing (which will soon become a webcomic). The ones by my character Lor (short for Lorcan) are under a header called Tome of Lor. I'm rather proud of that.

There are many fragments that I wanted to turn into compete songs, and "complete" songs that need reworking, which has been oddly stressful. "I need a second verse of this song, and this verse is too long so maybe part of it can be the bridge, and there's too many syllables here, and this looks like a chorus but what song does it fit with?" Stuff like that. I'm still working on the plan to put up (low quality) recordings of them. Just as a start, you know.

I guess I'd better get back to that. It's time to do Taralyn's songs. And to get ready for my second to last day of work...I wish it were over already. Until next time, Ballroom dancers.

Of new plans

I missed a week because I was determined to unbox my sewing machine before writing again. And I did! I even started threading it (I had to stop before winding the bobbin as my roommate was asleep). But I didn't mean to leave you hanging, especially after a post like the last one.

But I'm ok. I have a lot of changes happening. I'm leaving my job (we have our differences, and I'll leave it at that), so I can go with my family on a trip to see some cousins I haven't seen in a long time. After I get back I want to start applying to translation companies.

And I...want to finally start singing. Getting my music out there. And sewing and crafting. I'm going to start visiting open mic nights, maybe put some stuff on YouTube. I'll keep you updated on all of this, especially the parts that involve sewing and crafting as I imagine you'll be most interested in that.

To end on a lighthearted note, I'm going to the California Science Center tomorrow with one of my partners! General admission is free, and it's reachable by train, which is really nice for our situation. I always loved the Science Center since the days of my homeschool field trips, so it will be exciting to go back. And nice to get out of the heat.

Of mental health stuff

Hi Ballroom dancers.  I'm quite late this week as you can tell.  I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before (although I probably have) but I struggle with mental illness. Mainly depression and anxiety, and they've been hitting me really hard lately.  It kind of feels like I'm lifting weights just to accomplish this post.

I know it can be scary to talk or hear about these things, but my point isn't to worry you.  Rather,  I want to let you know why I don't post sometimes, and I want to break the silence around mental illness.  And most importantly, I'd like to let other people know they're not alone.

Anyway, I'm still fighting to improve my life, and accomplish my creative goals. I think this week I'll unbox my sewing machine. And continue working on my webcomic a bit every night.

Oh the webcomic? It's about queer goth magical girls (totally not autobiographical) and some vampires and fae folk.  I think I've mentioned my characters before, in conjunction with the book I plan to write about them.  Speaking of relevant things, one of the other main characters, who's queer and goth and possibly magical but not a girl, has also had depression all his life. It's weird -- despite being the author, it took me a while to figure out what this strange heavy sadness was that my character Lorcan dealt with. Or to recognize it.

Anyway, thank you for reading.  I'll Keep you posted about the webcomic. Keep calm and goth on.

Of people like me

  This weekend I attended Trans Pride, which I recommend if you're in the L.A. area. So much free stuff! Also awesome fellow trans people and finding community. But really, free food is powerful when you're poor.

It was a bit weird since I've switched back to girl mode, but I could still feel my guy side pretty strongly. So I introduced myself as "Dusk, but sometimes Rain." I have to remind myself that I'm still trans even in girl mode. I'm a nonbinary girl, who has a prince's heart always with her.

Anyway, outfit pic time! My dear friend and sorta mentorish person Raven made the pastry hat (which I always get compliments on) and a rose ring I'm wearing which sadly you can't see in these pics.

Check out Raven's clothing/crafting store here.

I also continued the saga of cleaning my room this week. There's not a huge difference but I finally hung up some art! 

Raven features prominently in this picture too, as the three little watercolors around the lamia are hers.  For Raven's art you can go here. 

There are a few other independent artists on that wall and I really wish I could remember their names or hadn't lost their cards, so I could send some business their way.  I'll update this post if I find out though! 

Of Pride

 This weekend I went to my first Pride, so I've been a bit exhausted. That's not the only...exhausting thing that's been going on this week but I'm not able to say more about that.

Anyway I have pictures of my outfits for the three days of Pride. So I'll post them, and that's about all I have energy for this week.

This is from the Trans Party on Friday.  That pin is the trans pride flag, but the reflective surface makes it hard to see.

 A few from Saturday~ (I was sunburned so bad by the end of it.)

My friend painted this flag with makeup. Ze is pretty good at it, no?

I like this picture a lot. The pose is me trying to be Kamijo from Versailles. You can also see Sheepie in her red bonnet. 

And one from the Resist March on Sunday. 

The red and white pin says "Hello, my pronouns are he/him." A very kind person insisted I have his pronoun button despite having just met me, so I wore it all weekend. It definitely helped with the dysphoria of "people can't tell that I'm a guy if I wear the clothes I want to."

Anyway, thank you for reading! Happy Pride!

Of a few lolita questions

I should probably move my post day to Monday.  There's a built in slot to write, whereas I'm apparently busier than I thought on Sundays?

I'm a little stressed these days, and not sure what to write about.  So after googling "lolita blog topics" and finding this post by F Yeah Lolita,  I'll try to tackle one or two ofthese questions whenever I don't have something to write about.

How about...3 things I wish I was told when I was a new Lolita.

1) The fashion guidelines are not as strict as people say they are.  Even brands break the rules sometimes. And anyway, creativity and an eye for artistry are really important. A lot of things can be lolita if you try hard enough. 

2) Someone having a different opinion or tastes from you does not make yours invalid! I can't stress this enough. If someone else says rectangular headdresses ugly and old fashioned, and you love the above headwear (guilty), then your opinion is the one that matters for your own wardrobe. 

3) This one is specific to me (or other moon cis people). Yeah... the longing for lolita you felt was probably low-key social dysphoria. So go get that fashion, ok?

That went by fast. Should I catch up on my lolita/goth blog reading or do another question? I think I'll do one more. 

5 pieces that every Lolita wardrobe should have, regardless of style

1) First of all, do you like dresses--whoops sorry,  OPs, it's been too long--or skirts and blouses? Or JSKs? You should have at least one dress or skirt or jumperskirt. I was going to include a blouse but you can get a nice one literally anywhere including thrift stores. 

2) A petticoat. This is sort of optional I would say (heresy, I know) but let's face it, you were probably drawn to lolita at least a little bit for the poof. Poof! Alternatively,  you can layer other skirts under it. I mean, no one's going to see your under garments (unless you consent to it and I'm not shaming that certainly). 

You know what's also optional? Bloomers. I personally love them because they are pretty and loose instead of tight, which is a godess-send for my sensory issues. But like I said, no one needs to know what you're wearing or not, underneath. If you're worried about people seeing things under that bell skirt, you can always go for shorts or tights or leggings or less of a poof. Poof!  

3) (and 4 and 5...?) Oh look I have three more items to fill. Well...shoes maybe? Then again you can get suitable ones any where (my current faves for lolita and also the rare occasions I ballroom dance are from a thrift store) and really, my size ten (US women's) feet are not going to fit into shoes from Japan. Probably.  

Now if you want proper boots, well, I sympathize with how hard those are to get. Although I guess that gets more into the goth side of things? Then again, my favorite boots are the lolita ones with the rounded toes, that lace up. Sigh. Someday. 

 Anyway, what you should do for your last three items is whatever you want.  Get more OPs. Get accessories that make you feel like a magical princess no matter what you're wearing. Get those fabled lolita boots. Or use that money and get thee to a meetup!

See you next time, my dear Ballroom dancers! And Blogger, please stop selecting everything when I'm on mobile.  

*Pic Spam* Of organizing and the continual process of coming out

Hello there! I'm late again. I knew I would be, because I went to a con this weekend. Well, a private event, sort of. A gaming weekend with a bunch of old friends (who long predate me, even, so there's legacy and history there) at someone's house, which has grown so big they call it a con.

I've gone several times. Many of these people I went to college with. They know me by my birth name and she/her. But this weekend they called me Rain and he/him. It was awesome.

On another topic (they both relate to life goals I guess?), I've been slowly organizing my room. I bought some pretty boxes from a Japanese dollar store called Daiso. I highly recommend them, and dollar stores in general. You can find amazing things without breaking your budget. Some of these boxes I'd think were brand (which makes me feel weird because as you may have gathered I'm kind of irked at the way the big brands kind of gatekeep the fashion).

I have a few pictures of how things are going, so I'll present them without commentary. (Not all of the organizer boxes are from Daiso, just the pink, black, and a few of the white plastic ones. They have roses on them!)

As you can see, it's mostly accessories and crafting stuff. I'm making room for my new sewing machine, as well as creating a space I'll enjoy being in. Without clutter. I hate how clutter has followed me all my life. 

Anyway, thank you for reading, my dear Ballroom dancers! If I've empowered you to clean or beautify your own space or do anything else, that would be cool! Please don't mind the centered paragraphs, as I can't figure out how to change them back on mobile!

Of managing one's time and well, coming out

Hello there! First, some updates. I got my gallbladder out in January and have some wicked scars. More importantly, I can eat again, though I'm trying not to overdo that while still being body positive.

Im also working again, both in the employment sense and towards my many goals, of which this blog has always been one. On that note, I'm going to try to post, should I have pictures or not, at least once a week. Say, Sunday. I'm late this week.

I have really missed blogging and I think there are people who need to hear what I have to say. I don't mean that in a vain way, but as I said before I want to be a lighthouse to people who share my identities or are on the outskirts. Heh, skirts. I can make some more of those because I finally have a sewing machine, which I am working up the courage to unbox. ...As soon as I clean my room.

You might have noticed I said identities. It's become more and more clear to me that my gender isn't what I thought it was. I'm nonbinary, specifically bigender. My girl name you already know--it's Dusk. (I usually don't tell people the full version in real life, so consider yourselves lucky to know me as DuskRose_Dreaming, haha. I love it but I worry people will make fun. I'm just too fantasy for them.)

A few years ago I realized that part of me wanted to be an aristocrat faery prince, so I made another name to match my first one. RainShadow_Raven. (I'm not sure about the underscore but it kinda feels "natural" to write my full names as if their screen names, because at least Dusk started that way). It took me a long time to connect that wish to my gender identity.

But now, in the real world, when I'm a guy I go by Rain. Dusk and Rain, my two favorite times to be outside, when the harsh Daystar is hidden. And I've been a guy for the last couple of months. So now that I can sew again, I'd like to work on both my wardrobes, because without lolita I don't really feel like a girl either.

You know what's cool? Sometimes I'll doubtless wear lolita in guy mode, so I'll get to be a brolita. I always admired them.  And I think the idea was resonating with me in a way I  didn't fully understand. On that note, I used to have really strong feelings about how guys should look (having long hair for example!) and now...I can be a guy who looks that way. I don't have to get invested in other people's appearance. Although I certainly always appreciate people who share my aesthetics!

Anyway, I want to blog as a nonbinary gothic lolita and goth girl/guy who is wiccan and gay and/or bi and a nerd and creates stuff. Yeah. And I'd be honored if I could help other people feel like they have a voice.

Thanks for reading.

--RainShadow_Raven