Monday, June 19, 2017

Of people like me

  This weekend I attended Trans Pride, which I recommend if you're in the L.A. area. So much free stuff! Also awesome fellow trans people and finding community. But really, free food is powerful when you're poor.

It was a bit weird since I've switched back to girl mode, but I could still feel my guy side pretty strongly. So I introduced myself as "Dusk, but sometimes Rain." I have to remind myself that I'm still trans even in girl mode. I'm a nonbinary girl, who has a prince's heart always with her.

Anyway, outfit pic time! My dear friend and sorta mentorish person Raven made the pastry hat (which I always get compliments on) and a rose ring I'm wearing which sadly you can't see in these pics.

Check out Raven's clothing/crafting store here.

I also continued the saga of cleaning my room this week. There's not a huge difference but I finally hung up some art! 
Raven features prominently in this picture too, as the three little watercolors around the lamia are hers.  For Raven's art you can go here

There are a few other independent artists on that wall and I really wish I could remember their names or hadn't lost their cards, so I could send some business their way.  I'll update this post if I find out though! 

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Of Pride

 This weekend I went to my first Pride, so I've been a bit exhausted. That's not the only...exhausting thing that's been going on this week but I'm not able to say more about that.

Anyway I have pictures of my outfits for the three days of Pride. So I'll post them, and that's about all I have energy for this week.

This is from the Trans Party on Friday.  That pin is the trans pride flag, but the reflective surface makes it hard to see.


 A few from Saturday~ (I was sunburned so bad by the end of it.)


My friend painted this flag with makeup. Ze is pretty good at it, no?

I like this picture a lot. The pose is me trying to be Kamijo from Versailles. You can also see Sheepie in her red bonnet. 

And one from the Resist March on Sunday. 

The red and white pin says "Hello, my pronouns are he/him." A very kind person insisted I have his pronoun button despite having just met me, so I wore it all weekend. It definitely helped with the dysphoria of "people can't tell that I'm a guy if I wear the clothes I want to."

Anyway, thank you for reading! Happy Pride!



Monday, June 5, 2017

Of a few lolita questions

I should probably move my post day to Monday.  There's a built in slot to write, whereas I'm apparently busier than I thought on Sundays?

I'm a little stressed these days, and not sure what to write about.  So after googling "lolita blog topics" and finding this post by F Yeah Lolita,  I'll try to tackle one or two ofthese questions whenever I don't have something to write about.

How about...3 things I wish I was told when I was a new Lolita.

1) The fashion guidelines are not as strict as people say they are.  Even brands break the rules sometimes. And anyway, creativity and an eye for artistry are really important. A lot of things can be lolita if you try hard enough. 

2) Someone having a different opinion or tastes from you does not make yours invalid! I can't stress this enough. If someone else says rectangular headdresses ugly and old fashioned, and you love the above headwear (guilty), then your opinion is the one that matters for your own wardrobe. 

3) This one is specific to me (or other moon cis people). Yeah... the longing for lolita you felt was probably low-key social dysphoria. So go get that fashion, ok?

That went by fast. Should I catch up on my lolita/goth blog reading or do another question? I think I'll do one more. 

5 pieces that every Lolita wardrobe should have, regardless of style

1) First of all, do you like dresses--whoops sorry,  OPs, it's been too long--or skirts and blouses? Or JSKs? You should have at least one dress or skirt or jumperskirt. I was going to include a blouse but you can get a nice one literally anywhere including thrift stores. 

2) A petticoat. This is sort of optional I would say (heresy, I know) but let's face it, you were probably drawn to lolita at least a little bit for the poof. Poof! Alternatively,  you can layer other skirts under it. I mean, no one's going to see your under garments (unless you consent to it and I'm not shaming that certainly). 

You know what's also optional? Bloomers. I personally love them because they are pretty and loose instead of tight, which is a godess-send for my sensory issues. But like I said, no one needs to know what you're wearing or not, underneath. If you're worried about people seeing things under that bell skirt, you can always go for shorts or tights or leggings or less of a poof. Poof!  

3) (and 4 and 5...?) Oh look I have three more items to fill. Well...shoes maybe? Then again you can get suitable ones any where (my current faves for lolita and also the rare occasions I ballroom dance are from a thrift store) and really, my size ten (US women's) feet are not going to fit into shoes from Japan. Probably.  

Now if you want proper boots, well, I sympathize with how hard those are to get. Although I guess that gets more into the goth side of things? Then again, my favorite boots are the lolita ones with the rounded toes, that lace up. Sigh. Someday. 

 Anyway, what you should do for your last three items is whatever you want.  Get more OPs. Get accessories that make you feel like a magical princess no matter what you're wearing. Get those fabled lolita boots. Or use that money and get thee to a meetup!

See you next time, my dear Ballroom dancers! And Blogger, please stop selecting everything when I'm on mobile.  





Tuesday, May 30, 2017

*Pic Spam* Of organizing and the continual process of coming out

Hello there! I'm late again. I knew I would be, because I went to a con this weekend. Well, a private event, sort of. A gaming weekend with a bunch of old friends (who long predate me, even, so there's legacy and history there) at someone's house, which has grown so big they call it a con.

I've gone several times. Many of these people I went to college with. They know me by my birth name and she/her. But this weekend they called me Rain and he/him. It was awesome.

On another topic (they both relate to life goals I guess?), I've been slowly organizing my room. I bought some pretty boxes from a Japanese dollar store called Daiso. I highly recommend them, and dollar stores in general. You can find amazing things without breaking your budget. Some of these boxes I'd think were brand (which makes me feel weird because as you may have gathered I'm kind of irked at the way the big brands kind of gatekeep the fashion).

I have a few pictures of how things are going, so I'll present them without commentary. (Not all of the organizer boxes are from Daiso, just the pink, black, and a few of the white plastic ones. They have roses on them!)










As you can see, it's mostly accessories and crafting stuff. I'm making room for my new sewing machine, as well as creating a space I'll enjoy being in. Without clutter. I hate how clutter has followed me all my life. 

Anyway, thank you for reading, my dear Ballroom dancers! If I've empowered you to clean or beautify your own space or do anything else, that would be cool! Please don't mind the centered paragraphs, as I can't figure out how to change them back on mobile!

Monday, May 22, 2017

Of managing one's time and well, coming out

Hello there! First, some updates. I got my gallbladder out in January and have some wicked scars. More importantly, I can eat again, though I'm trying not to overdo that while still being body positive.

Im also working again, both in the employment sense and towards my many goals, of which this blog has always been one. On that note, I'm going to try to post, should I have pictures or not, at least once a week. Say, Sunday. I'm late this week.

I have really missed blogging and I think there are people who need to hear what I have to say. I don't mean that in a vain way, but as I said before I want to be a lighthouse to people who share my identities or are on the outskirts. Heh, skirts. I can make some more of those because I finally have a sewing machine, which I am working up the courage to unbox. ...As soon as I clean my room.

You might have noticed I said identities. It's become more and more clear to me that my gender isn't what I thought it was. I'm nonbinary, specifically bigender. My girl name you already know--it's Dusk. (I usually don't tell people the full version in real life, so consider yourselves lucky to know me as DuskRose_Dreaming, haha. I love it but I worry people will make fun. I'm just too fantasy for them.)

A few years ago I realized that part of me wanted to be an aristocrat faery prince, so I made another name to match my first one. RainShadow_Raven. (I'm not sure about the underscore but it kinda feels "natural" to write my full names as if their screen names, because at least Dusk started that way). It took me a long time to connect that wish to my gender identity.

But now, in the real world, when I'm a guy I go by Rain. Dusk and Rain, my two favorite times to be outside, when the harsh Daystar is hidden. And I've been a guy for the last couple of months. So now that I can sew again, I'd like to work on both my wardrobes, because without lolita I don't really feel like a girl either.

You know what's cool? Sometimes I'll doubtless wear lolita in guy mode, so I'll get to be a brolita. I always admired them.  And I think the idea was resonating with me in a way I  didn't fully understand. On that note, I used to have really strong feelings about how guys should look (having long hair for example!) and now...I can be a guy who looks that way. I don't have to get invested in other people's appearance. Although I certainly always appreciate people who share my aesthetics!

Anyway, I want to blog as a nonbinary gothic lolita and goth girl/guy who is wiccan and gay and/or bi and a nerd and creates stuff. Yeah. And I'd be honored if I could help other people feel like they have a voice.

Thanks for reading.

--RainShadow_Raven

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Of Witchy Questionaires

Just a head's up, this post focuses more on the spiritual side of my lifestyle, as a goth lolita who's also a witch and so forth.

Have you noticed I really like questionnaires? There's very helpful for trying to get back into blogging. I believe this one is called 31 Days of Witchcraft or something; it should come up if you search for that.

How did you discover your path?
Short answer: I forget.
Long answer: It was really weird to me that I've forgotten! I think I just spent a while exploring who I was and what I believed. I grew up in a fundamentalist cult, so there were a lot of restrictions to try and loosen. It was difficult and scary, but definitely worth finding myself.

How long have you been practicing witchcraft?


2 or 3 years. I'm still new!

What kind of witch are you?

Solitary eclectic wiccan pop-culture pagan?

What specific path/tradition do you follow?
See above. The specific tradition would take more time to describe than any of us has, especially considering I don't completely know yet.

Do you have any ethics or moral codes that you follow?

I follow the Rede ("An it harm none, do as you will"), but believe strongly in protecting yourself and others, and in fighting for things you need to fight for.

Are you a Solitary witch or have you worked with others in a Coven?
Solitary. I will never be in a religious hierarchy again.

I...would love to find other witches, find a community, but I have way too much ptsd to be in a coven.

Do you practice divination? If so, what techniques?
I love Tarot and astrology, though I'm still in the learning phase.

Would/Do you read for others? Why or why not?
I don't often get a chance to, but I would. I think it can be fun and meaningful when you help other people on their spiritual path.

Do you believe in anything supernatural/paranormal?
You're asking this as part of a spiritual questionnaire? Okay that's not fair--I know that some witches approach the craft from a secular viewpoint. But yes, I do.

What are your beliefs on an Afterlife?

I think the person continues on their journey, without losing who they are as an individual. I don't believe anything specific, except that you have more options to do what you want I guess? Maybe see the universe or visit the future, or have tea in Faerie.

Does your family and/or friends know you practice witchcraft?
Yes. I took a while to come out to family though, and only the immediate ones know. The others...I honor their faiths and I'm happy for their journeys, but I know they wouldn't do the same for me, which really makes me sad. They wouldn't celebrate my happiness, even though I've found something I've wanted all my life: a path that really speaks to me.

Do/Will you teach and practice witchcraft to your children?

A) I don't plan to have kids.
B) This may sound selfish but I'd rather continue my own journey than help someone catch up. I already have so much trouble reaching my own goals.
C) It's seriously weird to me to teach people what to believe or do??? It's personal??? What if they don't agree or they have another truth of their own? (My upbringing is probably influencing me a lot on this.)

Matron Goddess [If you have one. If not, list goddesses that you favor]
I feel weird about the word "matron" because the concept of motherhood triggers both my ptsd (it was the only path acceptable for girls in my cult) and my dysphoria (I'm bigender). But that aside, my god/desses mostly came to me as characters in the world of my stories, long before I was interested in Wicca.


The main one who I think of as my Goddess is Rivarwe, the Raven, also called Mystery. She deals with all that is dark and profound. She's beauty and whimsy in the midnight universe. That's her in my profile picture as well.

A couple others are Uelani, goddess of ocean and rain and time. She's called the journeyman some times, because of her association with pursuing your talents and career. To me she represents the mother aspect of the goddess, while Rivarwe is the Maiden.

And Kyrle is the crone, despite ironically being the last of these three to be added to my world (in terms of OOC author time). She dwells in the void between the stars (while Rivarwe is very much of the stars) and represents the scary dangerous parts of the world, and even more so of ourselves, and the courage to face those things.

And these are the two of them. Uelani's on the left, Kyrle on the right.


As a pop culture pagan, I tend to incorporate other "fictional" deities into my practice as well, such as Madokami from PMMM.

But when I think of the wiccan Goddess in general, while there are many faces She could take, I feel like she's kind of faceless and nameless. She's the stars and the earth and every person from every culture.


Patron God [If you have one. If not, list gods that you favor]
Again, many come to mind, but one stands out above all else. He's a key figure in my worlds history as well.

Ayava, whose name means Starlight. He went on a quest to save his world from danger at great personal cost, and eventually ascended to become its guardian. To me he represents immense love and courage (both to do what's right and to be yourself.)

Favorite pantheon [Group of gods]
Well. The ones from my world!
What are your Sun/Moon/Rising signs?

Leo sun
Virgo moon
Libra rising

What’s your Element?
Odd mix of fire and water. I'm very drawn to the latter and I think and dream in a very...oceany way? But I am the passion and drive and light of fire.

Favorite season?
Autumn or winter. Autumn is easier on my senses and fun because of Halloween and NaNoWriMo, but i love the colors associated with winter. And sparkly ice and snow things.

Favorite tree?
Birch, because of the sparkling fluttery leaves. I decided on this long before going wiccan, actually. It was probably due to being a huge Tolkien fan--you've got to have a favorite tree.
I also connect to olive trees because I grew up with several on my street.

Favorite flower?

Roses. Dark red ones. Black roses are my "emblem," but those don't occur in nature... A close second might be sakura, because of my love for Japan

Favorite gem?
White/clear crystals, garnet, amethyst, peridot (the last one's my birthstone)

Favorite color?
Well I'm goth, so...black. It's mysterious and profound and whimsical. If that doesn't count, then dark red because it's romantic, dramatic, and sensual.

Favorite animal?
Oddly I never had one. I'm not really an animal person. You can't imagine the distress this caused me as a child when I wondered "am I just weird for not having an answer to the 'favorite animal' question?" I'm not even joking.

What’s your familiar?
See above. Although I do like ravens, because of their association with one of my goddesses.

You may have noticed this list is shorter than 31 questions. The last few I didn't really have an answer for. (Although I do have an altar now, finally. That was one of the questions.) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this!

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Of a random daily outfit and more questionaires

First, something I haven't done in many ages. An Outfit of the Day post!




The necklace was given to me by a close friend in honor of my stuffed sheep. That top is from a thrift store, and was originally long-sleeved. Literally moments before putting it on, I cut off the cuffs and snipped along the seam to make the sleeves open/slitted and drapey.

Right so, doloresfawn has tagged me (with the Entertainer Blogger Award), and therefore I must answer some questions.

I admit I'm not going to follow the rules, because I have no idea who to tag, and I've already left a link to the blogger who tagged me. But I most thank her, both for giving me ideas on what to post and for wanting to hear my take on these questions!

Actually, I tag anyone who wants to be tagged. The rules are in the linked post above.

So, Questions~

1) What do you hope to gain from blogging?
Besides chronicling my personal journey into gothy and lolita stuffs, I'd like to be a lighthouse for those who have dreams and goals they aren't in a position to fulfill right now. I remember hoping I could make my favorite lolita blogs update if I stared at the page long enough, when I was a young lolita. I may not have the most exciting or together life, but I want to bring Faerie to all of you as I journey through it.

2) What genre of film entertains you the most?
While growing up, I would have said fantasy without a second thought. I still would. But I'm branching out into science fiction as well. I watch a lot more TV (including anime) than movies, but I do love seeing those two genres on the big screen.

3) Do you consider yourself a writer, and what inspires you to write?
I do! I have a world and characters I've been working on since I was thirteen. The world was originally heavily influenced by Tolkien, but over the years it's changed a lot. My various subcultures (goth, lolita, anime fan...) and other identities (witchy, lgbtq...) are my main inspiration, in the sense that I write about things I love. My main characters are goth lgbt magical girls.

4) Why did you choose your particular Wordpr--excuse me, Blogger--username?
The Midnight Ballroom is a location in my stories. My main character dreams about going there and dancing with a mysterious prince. And as a place and a name, it really fits the aesthetic that I want to portray. The aesthetic I want to live, as weird as that sounds.

5) What's your favorite book and why does it speak to you?
The Vampire Kisses series by Ellen Schreiber. Unlike many fictional goths (especially young ones), the main character is happy. She revels in her subculture. Despite the problems she faces, she really embodies the sense of wonder and whimsy that Goth is full of, to me. And her clothes are so pretty.

6) What's your favorite song and why does it speak to you?
If I had to choose a favorite I guess it would be something by my favorite band, Versailles Philharmonic Quintet. Probably Aristocrat's Symphony or Ascendead Master. The Versailles mythos talks a lot about coming home to the "world of roses," and since I first discovered them I've always felt like they (Kamijo in particular) were calling me home to the things that made up the core of my being. To moonlight, and roses. And undead aristocrats.

7) What's your favorite photograph and why does it speak to you?
Um, sadly I don't have one. I suppose one of the outfit photos on this blog could count, especially the ones that made me start to feel "actually lolita." But I'd rather not look through them right now because my wardrobe needs a lot of work, and I'm afraid it would be saddening rather than inspiring. But! That will change. I don't mean to end on that sad note. The journey's only beginning.

In any case, thank you for reading, and until next time be safe.
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