Monday, May 22, 2017

Of managing one's time and well, coming out

Hello there! First, some updates. I got my gallbladder out in January and have some wicked scars. More importantly, I can eat again, though I'm trying not to overdo that while still being body positive.

Im also working again, both in the employment sense and towards my many goals, of which this blog has always been one. On that note, I'm going to try to post, should I have pictures or not, at least once a week. Say, Sunday. I'm late this week.

I have really missed blogging and I think there are people who need to hear what I have to say. I don't mean that in a vain way, but as I said before I want to be a lighthouse to people who share my identities or are on the outskirts. Heh, skirts. I can make some more of those because I finally have a sewing machine, which I am working up the courage to unbox. ...As soon as I clean my room.

You might have noticed I said identities. It's become more and more clear to me that my gender isn't what I thought it was. I'm nonbinary, specifically bigender. My girl name you already know--it's Dusk. (I usually don't tell people the full version in real life, so consider yourselves lucky to know me as DuskRose_Dreaming, haha. I love it but I worry people will make fun. I'm just too fantasy for them.)

A few years ago I realized that part of me wanted to be an aristocrat faery prince, so I made another name to match my first one. RainShadow_Raven. (I'm not sure about the underscore but it kinda feels "natural" to write my full names as if their screen names, because at least Dusk started that way). It took me a long time to connect that wish to my gender identity.

But now, in the real world, when I'm a guy I go by Rain. Dusk and Rain, my two favorite times to be outside, when the harsh Daystar is hidden. And I've been a guy for the last couple of months. So now that I can sew again, I'd like to work on both my wardrobes, because without lolita I don't really feel like a girl either.

You know what's cool? Sometimes I'll doubtless wear lolita in guy mode, so I'll get to be a brolita. I always admired them.  And I think the idea was resonating with me in a way I  didn't fully understand. On that note, I used to have really strong feelings about how guys should look (having long hair for example!) and now...I can be a guy who looks that way. I don't have to get invested in other people's appearance. Although I certainly always appreciate people who share my aesthetics!

Anyway, I want to blog as a nonbinary gothic lolita and goth girl/guy who is wiccan and gay and/or bi and a nerd and creates stuff. Yeah. And I'd be honored if I could help other people feel like they have a voice.

Thanks for reading.


1 comment:

  1. Glad to hear from you again, and I both respect and applaud you for coming out this way.

    (Also, thanks for clarifying how your hair will play into this, with hair like yours)


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