Of a gothy Witch and some neat questions

Hello again lovelies, I've been meaning to post again, but spoons are a thing (as in spoon theory, which you may find helpful if you haven't encountered it yet). Another issue is finding a topic.

But since I'd like to broaden my focus a bit to include goth and lolita stuffs (as usual)...as well as other aspects of my goals and interests that I find relevant to these two subcultures I love. And which, hopefully, others in those subcultures will find interesting or inspiring as well. After all, I have been from the beginning a lifestyle lolita, and I would say I'm a lifestyle goth but that's usually considered redundant.

So, a topic I thought might be interesting is The Intuitive Tag, one of those questionnaires that goes around the blogosphere. I first heard of it here, at the Enchanted Parlour, a blog that inspires me in how I want to shape my own.

1) Tell us about your first paranormal experience~

I don't have anything blatantly paranormal, but I've always had a sense of connection and communication with deity, or with 'a higher realm' or whatever you wish to call it.

I also had several instances when I was first getting interested in astrology where I was dumbstruck by how well the current planetary aspects or the planets in my chart seemed to fit. (Disclaimer: If you don't find astrology useful or helpful, that's fine! I don't judge anyone on that as we all have our own paths and worldviews. In particular I try not to bring it up around people who share one of my other loves, astronomy...)

2) Have you ever had a premonition?

Actually...yes. Sometimes I get a very strong feeling that something will happen or at least is very likely to. A very special memory was preceded by one of these hunches. Anyway, the feelings I get are within the realm of 'ordinary' good intuition (the nonmagickal kind), and I sort of like that quantum uncertainty of 'Is this magick or mundane?' Of course, to a Witch, that's in some ways a meaningless question as (to me) everything is both, or at least part of a coherent whole. 

3) When did you get your first Oracle or Tarot deck?

My first and only so far was bought for me last summer by my partner! I was really excited since I'd been wanting one for a long time. It's called the...Crystal Visions Tarot, I think? It has lots of faeries, and dreamlike art. And the swords are nicely gothy. (I need a deck eventually that's EVEN MOAR gothy, but baby steps you know.) I love it.

Also, the digital art project of my characters was inspired by wanting to have my own version of an oracle deck with the gods of my world. That's on hold while I make a different type of deck, namely a fan-deck for a TCG I play (Weiss Schwartz if you're interested), but I do want to complete it sometime.

4) What element do you most connect with?

Fire, most of all. I can say that my sign, Leo, fits me very well. But I've always, always been drawn to water as well, whether it's the ocean or the rain (it's raining right now!) or a forest stream. I find it somewhat difficult to connect to the others, though I'd like to get to know them better. I'm really interested in permaculture, for example (which obviously has to do with earth).

5) Do you believe in faeries?

I do, but not in a physical, concrete way. I think of the worlds of stories as connected to or part of our...emotional and spiritual reality? Like, the layer of the universe that's just behind what's physically 'real'. I don't mean another dimension or anything so prescriptive, just... You know, it's really hard to explain what I mean. I will move on and hope that you understand what I'm trying to say, and apologize to those who don't.

6) The Moon or the Sun: which do you prefer?

...

Is this even a question?

Seriously though, a harder question would be the moon or the stars (of which Sol is one I suppose :P ). I have always loved the stars, first as a poet, then also as a scientist (which continues to inspire my poetic side as I learn more about space). It took me a bit longer to connect with the moon, but I very much do now. For one, it reminds me of my Witchyness.

7) What is your favorite crystal or stone?

I don't know as much about them as I want to, but a few favorites:
Amethyst (yay purple), garnet (bloodred ones especially), peridot (my birthstone), sparkly white clear gems (there's my Elven sensibilities showing up)...


8) Can you see spirits or spirit beings?

I don't think so, no. Aside from the spiritual connection to deity and other realms that I've always experienced...

9) Would you rather fly on a broomstick, control fire, breathe underwater, or make things go faster?

Broomstick wheeee! I could celebrate Halloween in style. Or any night really. Or day.

There's really no contest, but my Fire Nation-y side is torn by the firebending option, and I might be tempted by breathing underwater if I got a tail to go with it. ;) But yeah, I'm a gothy witch. There is literally no contest.

10) What's an animal you connect to?

(I took out the word 'totem' as that feels appropriating to me.)

That is...hard. Even as a kid I could never really pick a'favorite animal', because I just don't connect that much to the animal kingdom. Well, I like snakes. Or possibly some sort of bird, or large ocean creature. Ravens and swans are important in my stories, and I like dolphins and whales. In fact last night I dreamt about rescuing a whale. A sign perhaps?

Ooh, I forgot--I do love bees. They're so complex and neat. And bats obviously.

11) Tell us about your first spirit guide

(I'm conflicted about this term as well. But I simply don't know whether it's appropriating or not so...I'll leave it with a disclaimer?)

Hmm. I've always found it very easy to 'converse' with characters--both mine, and those in works that I love. I would count those characters I talk to most as my spirit guides, if I have them.

Although, fun fact (I'm nervous saying this): Deity, or God and Goddess, came to me through my creative work, long before I even realized I wanted to be Wiccan. So, the gods of my world...are my own pantheon as well. I think it's pretty cool, but I'm always a bit shy to tell people that.

12) Do you connect more with the stars or the Earth?

 Stars, probably... But there's so much I want to do here on Earth, and to experience and change for the better.

Protip: nebulae are beautiful.

13) Your preferred method of blessing or cleansing?

Since I'm fairly new to this path, I haven't had the chance to explore most of the ritual elements yet. But in the future I hope to! 

14) What color do you feel most spiritually connected to?

Black. Besides being gothy, to me it feels like it holds profound, mysterious whimsy, dark romance and dramatic fantasicality. Yup. That's pretty much why I love it.

Actually I used to connect to white a lot, before I discovered goth. It reminded me of otherworldly starlight, and other such Elvish sentiments.

Of much plans, and such art wow

Hello, Ballroom Dancers. It's been a while. Writing about gothy and lolita things, though, is very much on my list of "I want to do this for the foreseeable future." I've just had a lot going on as I try to move into my adult life (in what feels like a rather belated and anxiety causing way).

I haven't been to clubs much recently, but I did randomly meet VictorianKitty from Sophistique Noir! That's the second time I've unexpectedly met her while clubbing, and both times we each apparently debated with ourselves whether the other was who we thought they were, or were we just seeing things. (We weren't.) I wasn't as gothed up as I'd have liked to be (it was an unexpected outing), but she was lovely and impeccably dressed as always.

So, there are a few...tangentially related things on the list of major changes in my life recently. I won't be bringing them up that often, but I want to kind of share my evolving paradigm and sense of who I am. I've realized that I'm bisexual, and polyamorous. I've found that the spiritual path that most speaks to me is Wicca--so you could say I'm witchy in more ways than one, hehe.

On the school and business front (wow that sounds like a really legit official name for something), I've finished my undergrad! Finally. I majored in Japanese, so I'd like to translate and eventually interpret. But I also want to go to grad school for astronomy (specifically extrasolar planets), after taking some classes at a community college or something.

Speaking of jobs, I am in the huntings. It is frustrate. Catspeak is seem to halp my mood a bit. Really hoping I get a job at this one diner I really like (yay pancakes all the time!) which is within walking distance of where my partner and I will be living soon.

Creative stuffs: I haven't had the chance to sew much lately--though I do finally have some fabric, and a sewing machine of my own (frustratingly its pedal is currently misplaced)--but I really want to get back into that. Although first I have to finish a long overdue commission for a friend. The lateness isn't entirely my fault, as I haven't had much access to a sewing machine, but it still feels awful, you know? Like, I want to be a more reliable commissioner than that, and intend to be in the future.

I have done a lot of digital art recently though (mostly of my characters). In fact, a store in my area that sells local artists is going to carry a few of my prints once I get them printed. It's exciting! I'll post the five down below that I picked, which I thought would be suitably halloweeny.

I'm also looking to take commissions (of art). If anyone is interested. I probably will crosspost this to my deviantart, BrushstrokesofFire. I'm not expecting a huge income from my art (and I very much still want a regular job of some sort), but every little bit helps. I mean my partner and I aren't in dire straights, but I need some financial autonomy. Anyway, while examples of my work would currently include mostly original characters, I hope to add some fanart too, soon. Just to show I can do that too. ;)

Anyway, time for halloweeny art pics~
(This is Taralyn and friends. I recently started writing a new draft of my planned book about her, which is really exciting. Been wanting to do that for a long time!)

And don't forget, it's almost October! (Which is Best Month, for obvious reasons.) Have a whimsically spook night until I see you again.

Of my love for this subculture that will shine until class M stars go out

It's 2am here, but I was spurred to write this post by reading the farewell post of another lolita blog that I've loved for a long time. It made me cry, to see the blogger go, not just from lolita blogging but from lolita itself.

It made me think how I've posted much less in recent days than I want to, sewn much less than I long to. But that isn't because I'm losing interest. It's because school and chronic depression / anxiety saps so much of my energy sometimes. It's because I don't (YET) have a sewing machine with me in my apartment. It's because on the weekends I do go home, the house is always so cluttered (an ageold very frustrating problem for my house) that it's hard to find space to sew.

You have to understand, to a goth, saying "I'm leaving the [fashion/subculture/whatever]" is, well, confusing. A lot of my approach to lolita comes out of my having discovered goth first; so I don't consider it something I'll ever tire of or (Goddess forbid!) grow out of. No, I plan to grow into it. The reason--one reason--I feel so strongly about that is that I haven't really had a chance to shine in it yet! I'm still in the protostar phase, winding up my accretion nebula so that I can start nuclear fusion in my core the moment I get the chance.

That was an astronomy metaphor, yes. I love astronomy! It made me realize there is ONE thing that would make me suffer through more school after my bachelor's. And it wouldn't even be suffering! Because stars and exoplanets and nebulae and galaxies and yay!

I end up using science metaphors all the time. It's really amusing. And useful! And nerdly.

Back to my point: what I meant in that metaphor was I haven't sewn as many lolita clothes as I would need for a full "basic" wardrobe. I haven't sewn stuff to sell to my other lovelies out there either! The thing I am happy about though, is that I've been working on some other long-dreamed-of goals, such as art of my characters. My characters always inspire me, including in fashion, so hopefully I can get some fabric and start sewing soon! *dusts off ribbon-rose making skills*

(By the way, class M stars, the dim red ones, shine for like a hundred billion years, literally. The Universe is only 14 billion years old or thereabouts, so we haven't actually observed a class M star going out. They almost LITERALLY burn forever.)

Of oddments that delight me

Or, Things I Love Thursday, minus the Thursday bit. I'm a bit tired of feeling like I've run out of energy and ideas to blog, so I'm going to experiment with posting more often on potentially random-seeming (but still lolita/goth related) subjects, just so I can figure out how to broaden my posting options.

The above-mentioned Delightful Oddments~

~Finally getting started on my first lolita dress

~Working towards a readable second draft of my work in progress novel

~On that note, I've discovered that my protagonist gets to interact with the faerie folk / the magical world a lot sooner than I'd realized, because she's a seer (unknowingly) and goes to Faerie in her dreams.

~The cosplay picnic tomorrow, at which I get to meet other cosplay fans in my area for the first time

~Getting called "the lady in black" at the Ren Faire (we went today, and I'll post about it in more depth soon)

~Learning a bit about how to bellydance at the Faire, after an absolutely gorgeous performance by the dancers. (I've been wanting to learn some form of eastern / middle eastern dance for a while now, but now I'm convinced: I must learn to bellydance! And ballroom dance. And maybe flamenco...)

~The music of Kalafina, one of my favorite Japanese groups. Anime fans might recognize their song Lacrimosa, the second ending song for Kuroshitsuji. The music is poignant, beautiful, and makes you shiver.(Interestingly, this was also the themesong I chose for my NaNoWriMo novel, because I love it and the song fit so well.)

Of strawberries and apples

And she assures her dear guests that she is indeed working on said loli skirt, and will post pictures soon, but first she has a rather more lifestyle-related post to make. (She also wishes to thank all of her followers--fourteen before her seventh post! She never expected that...) And now--

Baking, my dears! Of course, nothing says that you have to like baking or any other "lifestyle" hobby to consider yourself a lifestyle loli (just as a fondness for bats, The Addams family, or any number of traditionally "oh-so-gothic" interests are in no way required to consider yourself a goth). Still, my younger sister (the one that made the lovely Fire Nation doll clothes from a previous post) has been baking a lot recently, and a couple weeks ago she inspired me.

That evening, my parents were to attend a bible study, and my mother wanted to make an apple and strawberry crisp but didn't have the time. So I decided to give it a shot, and by all accounts the people at the bible study quite enjoyed it! We still had enough apples and strawberries left over to make another one, so I did so the next morning and halfway through decided to document the process in case any of you darlings should wish to try it.

I used this recipe, which is very simple. At first I couldn't find our canister of cinnamon, so after a little research I discovered that ground cloves can be substituted, although one must use markedly less, because the taste is so much stronger. The first time I made this, I hadn't ended up with quite enough of the topping (I used brown sugar to fill in the gaps after baking, both times) so I tried to add proportionately more of each ingredient. I only roughly estimated, but it seemed to turn out all right.

Now, for the fruit! This is where I started taking pictures. Having had lots of practice by this point, I was getting better at cutting up apples (which is hard!). I thought I remembered using three (green) apples the first time, but this time two were almost too much for the dish I was using. Maybe it was my (somewhat) improved skill in cutting apple slices.

The strawberries were much easier to slice (if you have a small, sharp knife)--and I must say, I felt very loli while doing so! I cut them into thirds or even fourths whenever I could, and ended up using a one-pound container of strawberries for each crisp.

You can see the strawberries over a layer of apples (which you can't see quite as well). It already looks delicious, no? For the first crisp I ended up using several teaspoons of lemon juice, so the apples wouldn't brown in the air. I'm told it that the first crisp tasted a little tart (though apparently not in a bad way) even though I had tried to compensate with sugar, so this time I used less lemon juice and sprinkled lots of sugar on the apples as well as on the strawberries.

Here are the strawberries with sugar (which was melting, so I had to take the photo quick)! I thought this looked like the perfect sweet loli dessert. Even this goth loli thought it looked delicous!

After this I sprinkled on the topping, and then it was into the oven! As you can see, there was plenty of topping, but after it baked some of the strawberries still showed through. The recipe didn't say whether to preheat the oven or not--but I did so and only baked the crisp 35-40 minutes instead of 45.

While it was baking, I decided to dress up. Till now my wardrobe has been more goth than loli, but I have added several pieces that (to me) fit the loli asthetic, while not being loli themselves. I don't usually dress this fancy (though I intend to change that very soon), but I was somewhat inspired by knowing that I would post this...besides the fact that none of my long pants (better known as trousers to some of you) were clean at the moment.

 
 
 red tartan top: Target

black shirt underneath: thrifted? (I believe I got it from my sister--a different sister from the aforementioned one)

skirt: originally a long skirt that I found at a thrift store, which I altered quite a bit last summer (practicing to create garments that "fit the loli aesthetic" despite not being loli themselves). I cut off the lower part and sewed it back on a few inches below the waist line to create the illusion of an extra layer.
Then I gathered the sewn on part vertically in several (well, three) places for a scalloped effect, and sewed on several little roses of red ribbon to match the printed ones on the fabric. One of the gathers broke, so I've been using a safety pin to hold the gather in place (you can't really see the safety pin here). I've decided I rather like the punk-y effect of the safety pin, despite it's being unplanned!

bows: either Hot Topic or Icing

bat necklace (hard to see): Hot Topic

Also: In this photo I'm sporting second day curls from Michelle Phan's tutorial for paper bag curls on Youtube. They were quite a bit curlier before I brushed my hair.

I know the peacock feather looks like it's in my hair, but it's really behind me! The effect of the "feather in my hair" does quite amuse me, looking at this photo.

Here's the crisp after I took it out of the oven. After it cooled a little, I filled in the holes with brown sugar.

Later that night, I tried a piece.

It wasn't too bad--and others of my family, my mother for one, seemed to like the crisp very much. However, something seemed a little bit "off" to me. It's a little hard to be less vague than that, as I'm not sure whether it was "too bland" or what. I may have to experiment a little with this recipe. Still, I'm glad I was able to make a dessert involving fruit--especially strawberries, which are my favorite--and I hope to bake more things like this in the future.

That notwithstanding, chocolate will always be this goth loli's first love. Especially fudge, and truffles...!

Ah, yes--a word of warning to those of you planning to use ground cloves: If you know that the crisp may not be eaten up right away, be careful to use a very tiny amount! The taste of the cloves tends to get a lot stronger after a few days.

Well then, next time I shall regale you with tales of my deathly struggle to gain victory over The Endless Ruffle, and perhaps also post pictures of the goods from an upcoming (and long-promised) trek to the fabric store...