Of Witchy Questionaires

Just a head's up, this post focuses more on the spiritual side of my lifestyle, as a goth lolita who's also a witch and so forth.

Have you noticed I really like questionnaires? There's very helpful for trying to get back into blogging. I believe this one is called 31 Days of Witchcraft or something; it should come up if you search for that.

How did you discover your path?
Short answer: I forget.
Long answer: It was really weird to me that I've forgotten! I think I just spent a while exploring who I was and what I believed. I grew up in a fundamentalist cult, so there were a lot of restrictions to try and loosen. It was difficult and scary, but definitely worth finding myself.

How long have you been practicing witchcraft?

2 or 3 years. I'm still new!

What kind of witch are you?
Solitary eclectic wiccan pop-culture pagan?

What specific path/tradition do you follow?
See above. The specific tradition would take more time to describe than any of us has, especially considering I don't completely know yet.

Do you have any ethics or moral codes that you follow?
I follow the Rede ("An it harm none, do as you will"), but believe strongly in protecting yourself and others, and in fighting for things you need to fight for.

Are you a Solitary witch or have you worked with others in a Coven?
Solitary. I will never be in a religious hierarchy again.

I...would love to find other witches, find a community, but I have way too much ptsd to be in a coven.

Do you practice divination? If so, what techniques?
I love Tarot and astrology, though I'm still in the learning phase.

Would/Do you read for others? Why or why not?
I don't often get a chance to, but I would. I think it can be fun and meaningful when you help other people on their spiritual path.

Do you believe in anything supernatural/paranormal?
You're asking this as part of a spiritual questionnaire? Okay that's not fair--I know that some witches approach the craft from a secular viewpoint. But yes, I do.

What are your beliefs on an Afterlife?
I think the person continues on their journey, without losing who they are as an individual. I don't believe anything specific, except that you have more options to do what you want I guess? Maybe see the universe or visit the future, or have tea in Faerie.

Does your family and/or friends know you practice witchcraft?
Yes. I took a while to come out to family though, and only the immediate ones know. The others...I honor their faiths and I'm happy for their journeys, but I know they wouldn't do the same for me, which really makes me sad. They wouldn't celebrate my happiness, even though I've found something I've wanted all my life: a path that really speaks to me.

Do/Will you teach and practice witchcraft to your children?
A) I don't plan to have kids.

B) This may sound selfish but I'd rather continue my own journey than help someone catch up. I already have so much trouble reaching my own goals.

C) It's seriously weird to me to teach people what to believe or do??? It's personal??? What if they don't agree or they have another truth of their own? (My upbringing is probably influencing me a lot on this.)

Matron Goddess [If you have one. If not, list goddesses that you favor]

I feel weird about the word "matron" because the concept of motherhood triggers both my ptsd (it was the only path acceptable for girls in my cult) and my dysphoria (I'm bigender). But that aside, my god/desses mostly came to me as characters in the world of my stories, long before I was interested in Wicca.

The main one who I think of as my Goddess is Rivarwe, the Raven, also called Mystery. She deals with all that is dark and profound. She's beauty and whimsy in the midnight universe. That's her in my profile picture as well.

A couple others are Uelani, goddess of ocean and rain and time. She's called the journeyman some times, because of her association with pursuing your talents and career. To me she represents the mother aspect of the goddess, while Rivarwe is the Maiden.

And Kyrle is the crone, despite ironically being the last of these three to be added to my world (in terms of OOC author time). She dwells in the void between the stars (while Rivarwe is very much of the stars) and represents the scary dangerous parts of the world, and even more so of ourselves, and the courage to face those things.

And these are the two of them. Uelani's on the left, Kyrle on the right.

As a pop culture pagan, I tend to incorporate other "fictional" deities into my practice as well, such as Madokami from PMMM.

But when I think of the wiccan Goddess in general, while there are many faces She could take, I feel like she's kind of faceless and nameless. She's the stars and the earth and every person from every culture.


Patron God [If you have one. If not, list gods that you favor]
Again, many come to mind, but one stands out above all else. He's a key figure in my worlds history as well.

Ayava, whose name means Starlight. He went on a quest to save his world from danger at great personal cost, and eventually ascended to become its guardian. To me he represents immense love and courage (both to do what's right and to be yourself.)

Favorite pantheon [Group of gods]
Well. The ones from my world!
What are your Sun/Moon/Rising signs?
Leo sun
Virgo moon
Libra rising

What’s your Element?
Odd mix of fire and water. I'm very drawn to the latter and I think and dream in a very...oceany way? But I am the passion and drive and light of fire.

Favorite season?
Autumn or winter. Autumn is easier on my senses and fun because of Halloween and NaNoWriMo, but i love the colors associated with winter. And sparkly ice and snow things.

Favorite tree?
Birch, because of the sparkling fluttery leaves. I decided on this long before going wiccan, actually. It was probably due to being a huge Tolkien fan--you've got to have a favorite tree.
I also connect to olive trees because I grew up with several on my street.

Favorite flower?
Roses. Dark red ones. Black roses are my "emblem," but those don't occur in nature... A close second might be sakura, because of my love for Japan

Favorite gem?
White/clear crystals, garnet, amethyst, peridot (the last one's my birthstone)

Favorite color?
Well I'm goth, so...black. It's mysterious and profound and whimsical. If that doesn't count, then dark red because it's romantic, dramatic, and sensual.

Favorite animal?
Oddly I never had one. I'm not really an animal person. You can't imagine the distress this caused me as a child when I wondered "am I just weird for not having an answer to the 'favorite animal' question?" I'm not even joking.

What’s your familiar?
See above. Although I do like ravens, because of their association with one of my goddesses.

You may have noticed this list is shorter than 31 questions. The last few I didn't really have an answer for. (Although I do have an altar now, finally. That was one of the questions.) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this!

Of a random daily outfit and more questionaires

First, something I haven't done in many ages. An Outfit of the Day post!

The necklace was given to me by a close friend in honor of my stuffed sheep. That top is from a thrift store, and was originally long-sleeved. Literally moments before putting it on, I cut off the cuffs and snipped along the seam to make the sleeves open/slitted and drapey.

Right so, doloresfawn has tagged me (with the Entertainer Blogger Award), and therefore I must answer some questions.

I admit I'm not going to follow the rules, because I have no idea who to tag, and I've already left a link to the blogger who tagged me. But I most thank her, both for giving me ideas on what to post and for wanting to hear my take on these questions!

Actually, I tag anyone who wants to be tagged. The rules are in the linked post above.

So, Questions~

1) What do you hope to gain from blogging?
Besides chronicling my personal journey into gothy and lolita stuffs, I'd like to be a lighthouse for those who have dreams and goals they aren't in a position to fulfill right now. I remember hoping I could make my favorite lolita blogs update if I stared at the page long enough, when I was a young lolita. I may not have the most exciting or together life, but I want to bring Faerie to all of you as I journey through it.

2) What genre of film entertains you the most?
While growing up, I would have said fantasy without a second thought. I still would. But I'm branching out into science fiction as well. I watch a lot more TV (including anime) than movies, but I do love seeing those two genres on the big screen.

3) Do you consider yourself a writer, and what inspires you to write?
I do! I have a world and characters I've been working on since I was thirteen. The world was originally heavily influenced by Tolkien, but over the years it's changed a lot. My various subcultures (goth, lolita, anime fan...) and other identities (witchy, lgbtq...) are my main inspiration, in the sense that I write about things I love. My main characters are goth lgbt magical girls.

4) Why did you choose your particular Wordpr--excuse me, Blogger--username?
The Midnight Ballroom is a location in my stories. My main character dreams about going there and dancing with a mysterious prince. And as a place and a name, it really fits the aesthetic that I want to portray. The aesthetic I want to live, as weird as that sounds.

5) What's your favorite book and why does it speak to you?
The Vampire Kisses series by Ellen Schreiber. Unlike many fictional goths (especially young ones), the main character is happy. She revels in her subculture. Despite the problems she faces, she really embodies the sense of wonder and whimsy that Goth is full of, to me. And her clothes are so pretty.

6) What's your favorite song and why does it speak to you?
If I had to choose a favorite I guess it would be something by my favorite band, Versailles Philharmonic Quintet. Probably Aristocrat's Symphony or Ascendead Master. The Versailles mythos talks a lot about coming home to the "world of roses," and since I first discovered them I've always felt like they (Kamijo in particular) were calling me home to the things that made up the core of my being. To moonlight, and roses. And undead aristocrats.

7) What's your favorite photograph and why does it speak to you?
Um, sadly I don't have one. I suppose one of the outfit photos on this blog could count, especially the ones that made me start to feel "actually lolita." But I'd rather not look through them right now because my wardrobe needs a lot of work, and I'm afraid it would be saddening rather than inspiring. But! That will change. I don't mean to end on that sad note. The journey's only beginning.

In any case, thank you for reading, and until next time be safe.

Of Autumnal Askings

(Edit: I'm sorry for the weirdness with formatting this post! Luckily it's finally fixed...) 

It's been a while since I did a post that felt really goth-loli-ish, rather than just "this is my news since last time." I got this from this blog, who in turn got it from tumblr. (I am excited! Okay let's get started.) 

crunchy leaves: what's your favorite noise/sound to hear?

I LOVE the rain whispering outside.

chilly air: are you a warm weather or cold weather person?

Cold weather. The thing is I have sensory processing issues, and most sensations are too intense for me. It just happens that my range of comfortable temperatures is lower than for most people. So I melt in hot weather, but it's hard for me to wear long sleeves so too cold is bad too.(I actually tend to feel rather maniacally smug when for ONCE I'm perfectly comfortable and "normal" people are complaining. It's usually the opposite.) 

misty mornings: what time do you wake up? What for?

It varies. I'm between jobs, but I try to stay busy.

oversized sweaters: what sweater weather outfit are you looking forward to wearing? (Bonus if pictured) 

This question reminds me of my several years old goals for wardrobe building, which is a bit depressing .I'll get there though! Once I fix my sewing machine...

carved pumpkins: what holidays (popular or pagan) are you celebrating this fall? 

I always want to do more for pagan holidays but I haven't even managed to set up a proper altar for myself. Unless the tops of my dresser and bookshelf count. 

ghost stories: what books are you reading, how are they?

Does fanfiction count? I'm reading quite a few good fanworks. 

hot coffee: what's your drink this fall?

It would normally be peppermint mocha, but due to necessity it's tea. No milk even, just sugar. I'm waiting to have gallbladder surgery, and avoiding anything fatty that could set off my stomach pain until then. I miss lattes!

cold hands: anyone to hold them? 

My gods. ;)

spooky shadows: any increased spiritual activity? 

I haven't noticed ghosts or anything. My own activities are very spiritually oriented though. This witch is trying to bring her goals into reality, including those for her practice. 

apple pie: what's cooking? (Or planned to cook?)

I just finished baking some sweet potatoes! It's always exciting to find a food that I both like and can eat despite the gallbladder thing. I plan to put some brown sugar on them. (The ironic thing is that while I have to avoid fat, I can have as much sugar as I want. Salt, too.)

scented candles: 5 favorite smells

Roses! And roses, and roses, and roses...sorry. Ahem. Probably other flowers? And fruits. Vanilla is certainly nice too. And chocolate.

hurricanes: what do you do on rainy days?

My go-to is have a hot drink. That and reading a book or writing in a notebook while I listen to the rain.

cinnamon: what are you favorite spices?

Um...cinnamon, ginger... Let's see I like basil as well. I'm not too familiar with spices, and the stronger spices are difficult with my sensory issues, but I do like some of them.

haunted hayrides: do you see your friends over the summer or do you have to wait till fall?

I'm done with school for the moment and live close to my irl friends, so yes I get to see them. I have quite a few online friends as well.

monster masks: what's your makeup/morning routine?

Ah. Brush my hair and (if I'm lucky and feel like setting off my gag reflex) also brush and floss my teeth. I'd like to do more with outfits and accessories and makeup too, but I don't always have the energy and my clothing wardrobe is small right now.

black cat: what pets do you have/want? 

I grew up with cats, and I like them, but not as pets I'd want to look after. I'd really love to have a ball python. My best friend has one, and it's so adorable (and seems easy to care for--it stays in its cage unless you take it out). Plus my friends call me Snek, so... 

Tag your friends, pass this on, and keep the spooky vibes flowing!

Of newses and musings

Hello again! I hope the holiday season isn't bringing up depression or painful memories for you. But if so, know that you're not alone. I've experienced / am experiencing that too, but somehow I'm managing alright. Take care of yourself alright?

I'm still getting the hang of posting regularly again. Part of it is that I thought I would have fulfilled my lolita and gothy wardrobe dreams by now. It's been years since I started loving those fashions and making my own clothes. But not having a working sewing machine really puts a damper on that.

Well, until I figure out what's wrong with mine (or if it's fixable--I've never managed to get this machine to sew a seam EVER), I do have sisters who live nearby and have machines of their own. I need to pick myself up and go over there to work on some projects, and when I do I'll be sure to take pictures! Also, my mom who sews has offered to help me get another machine on craigslist, which I'm really grateful for. Even if I manage to fix my current sewing machine, it would be good to have two when if I'm wanting to take commissions and so forth.

In other news, I did manage to win NaNoWriMo, for the first time in quite a few years. I wrote a draft of the first book in the series I've been working on for a long time. I also decided I'd like to do a webcomic version of it, both because I love drawing my characters (and read a lot of webcomics), and in order to "practice" the story, which still has a few plot holes. I'm still preparing, but I'll let you know what becomes of that.

However first I should get a new mouse, as mine seems to have a lot of problems with the clicker, and I should probably look into getting a tablet as well. It would certainly save time with my digital art. Of course, there are problems to overcome with that as well, since I'm not currently working. I've been translating manga just for translation experience (though not for pay at this point). Since my partner supports me, I'm not in dire straights, but I do prefer having my own income.

I hope very much that you are all doing well, my dancers. Keep following your dreams, even if it's taking years. I'm told it's the journey that counts. And hopefully I can get back to reading all of your lovely blogs on my blogroll! (This is where I recommend a not gothic or lolita but still excellent blog of an irl friend of mine.)

Of trying to light a lighthouse

A lot of people in America (and beyond, I'm sure) are scared and sad today. I want you all to know that you're not alone. I started this blog to be a lighthouse to other aspiring, isolated gothic lolitas. To reach out and invite them to step into this world with me. And I want to be a lighthouse to so many more people as well, especially now. To women and lgbt folk and nonbinary people and POC and immigrants and Pagans and Muslims and Jews and Hispanics and the disabled and those with chronic illnesses and... To everyone who's feeling scared and alone.

I may not update very often, and I'm definitely still figuring out how to be who I want to be, but I'm here. And I want you to know you're not alone.

Of writing (of several kinds)

I don't know what it is that keeps being a block between me and this blog. Well, between me and all the things I really want to do, that I consider "me," but just...don't. I think it's fear. And for starters, I need to give myself permission to post without including pictures if I can't that day, or to talk about things that aren't strictly gothic lolita. I mean, this is a lifestyle blog, right? And there are things I want to share with you, my dear Ballroom Dancers (how I've missed you all!) that are part of my lifestyle as a goth and a lolita.

Things like being Wiccan, or queer in more ways than I can count, or well, writing. It is November, and I'm doing NaNoWriMo. It's my 6th year, I think!

I believe I've shared some art of my characters before, though I certainly don't mind doing that again. But another time perhaps. My protagonists are a group of magical girls. Most of them are gothy in some way. You have a flowy romantigoth, an oldschool industrial type, a gothic lolita who makes her own clothes, and a genderqueer girl who wears masculine EGA/Aristocrat. And they're becoming friends with Visual Kei vampires and activist faery folk, and trying to save the world.

It's going...pretty good? There are so many plotholes that I've been working on for a long time. (This isn't a new novel, though I'm using NaNo as a chance to write/rewrite it.) But I think they're finally coming through. A lot of things started to clear up when I realized what I really want to write, and what's important to me. For example, I love magical girls, and it hit me that the story flowed much better when my main character and her friends became--or you might say transformed--into them.

That's all for now, but I hope your writing and other pursuits are going well!

Of logistics and ways to conquer them

I feel...silly.

The truth is, I've been thinking about this blog all this time, planning and hoping for when I could get back to it and be, as I've put it before, a lighthouse to others in our dark and lovely fashion.

I haven't felt I had relevant posts to make, or the time and energy (yet!!) and then I was sort of waiting till I fixed my sewing machine (I have) and braved sewing with an unfamiliar model (I...haven't?).

And I will continue poking my way back into sewing and the blogging thereof. But in the meantime, I realized I have a phone. From which I often write things, and take pictures. So...what am I waiting for?

I took this especially for you, just now, walking home under the moon.

The Faery Triumphant