Of newses and musings

Hello again! I hope the holiday season isn't bringing up depression or painful memories for you. But if so, know that you're not alone. I've experienced / am experiencing that too, but somehow I'm managing alright. Take care of yourself alright?

I'm still getting the hang of posting regularly again. Part of it is that I thought I would have fulfilled my lolita and gothy wardrobe dreams by now. It's been years since I started loving those fashions and making my own clothes. But not having a working sewing machine really puts a damper on that.

Well, until I figure out what's wrong with mine (or if it's fixable--I've never managed to get this machine to sew a seam EVER), I do have sisters who live nearby and have machines of their own. I need to pick myself up and go over there to work on some projects, and when I do I'll be sure to take pictures! Also, my mom who sews has offered to help me get another machine on craigslist, which I'm really grateful for. Even if I manage to fix my current sewing machine, it would be good to have two when if I'm wanting to take commissions and so forth.

In other news, I did manage to win NaNoWriMo, for the first time in quite a few years. I wrote a draft of the first book in the series I've been working on for a long time. I also decided I'd like to do a webcomic version of it, both because I love drawing my characters (and read a lot of webcomics), and in order to "practice" the story, which still has a few plot holes. I'm still preparing, but I'll let you know what becomes of that.

However first I should get a new mouse, as mine seems to have a lot of problems with the clicker, and I should probably look into getting a tablet as well. It would certainly save time with my digital art. Of course, there are problems to overcome with that as well, since I'm not currently working. I've been translating manga just for translation experience (though not for pay at this point). Since my partner supports me, I'm not in dire straights, but I do prefer having my own income.

I hope very much that you are all doing well, my dancers. Keep following your dreams, even if it's taking years. I'm told it's the journey that counts. And hopefully I can get back to reading all of your lovely blogs on my blogroll! (This is where I recommend a not gothic or lolita but still excellent blog of an irl friend of mine.)

Of trying to light a lighthouse

A lot of people in America (and beyond, I'm sure) are scared and sad today. I want you all to know that you're not alone. I started this blog to be a lighthouse to other aspiring, isolated gothic lolitas. To reach out and invite them to step into this world with me. And I want to be a lighthouse to so many more people as well, especially now. To women and lgbt folk and nonbinary people and POC and immigrants and Pagans and Muslims and Jews and Hispanics and the disabled and those with chronic illnesses and... To everyone who's feeling scared and alone.

I may not update very often, and I'm definitely still figuring out how to be who I want to be, but I'm here. And I want you to know you're not alone.

Of writing (of several kinds)

I don't know what it is that keeps being a block between me and this blog. Well, between me and all the things I really want to do, that I consider "me," but just...don't. I think it's fear. And for starters, I need to give myself permission to post without including pictures if I can't that day, or to talk about things that aren't strictly gothic lolita. I mean, this is a lifestyle blog, right? And there are things I want to share with you, my dear Ballroom Dancers (how I've missed you all!) that are part of my lifestyle as a goth and a lolita.

Things like being Wiccan, or queer in more ways than I can count, or well, writing. It is November, and I'm doing NaNoWriMo. It's my 6th year, I think!

I believe I've shared some art of my characters before, though I certainly don't mind doing that again. But another time perhaps. My protagonists are a group of magical girls. Most of them are gothy in some way. You have a flowy romantigoth, an oldschool industrial type, a gothic lolita who makes her own clothes, and a genderqueer girl who wears masculine EGA/Aristocrat. And they're becoming friends with Visual Kei vampires and activist faery folk, and trying to save the world.

It's going...pretty good? There are so many plotholes that I've been working on for a long time. (This isn't a new novel, though I'm using NaNo as a chance to write/rewrite it.) But I think they're finally coming through. A lot of things started to clear up when I realized what I really want to write, and what's important to me. For example, I love magical girls, and it hit me that the story flowed much better when my main character and her friends became--or you might say transformed--into them.

That's all for now, but I hope your writing and other pursuits are going well!

Of logistics and ways to conquer them

I feel...silly.

The truth is, I've been thinking about this blog all this time, planning and hoping for when I could get back to it and be, as I've put it before, a lighthouse to others in our dark and lovely fashion.

I haven't felt I had relevant posts to make, or the time and energy (yet!!) and then I was sort of waiting till I fixed my sewing machine (I have) and braved sewing with an unfamiliar model (I...haven't?).

And I will continue poking my way back into sewing and the blogging thereof. But in the meantime, I realized I have a phone. From which I often write things, and take pictures. So...what am I waiting for?

I took this especially for you, just now, walking home under the moon.

The Faery Triumphant

Of top hats and metal

As you may have guessed, the posting will be quite erratic till I get the path to my goals somewhat stabilized. However, I've been wanting to show you two tiny tophats that I bought from a (new) friend of mine, Raven of Sanguine Threads. She's a lovely person. We were basically BFF's from the moment we started talking, and I feel like she's a mentor figure to me now. I also recommend the band whose concert we were attending at the time, namely Lolita Dark, as their brand of melodic metal is stunning and they're also personal friends of mine.

Anyway! Hats.

Preeeeettty. The black butterfly on the right hat reminds me of my character Taralyn, as those are her symbol.

She threw in a couple other hair accessories as freebies! I've worn the black lace hairpins, but so far I've been sitting over the hats like a dragon on its hoarde, just going 'preeeeetttty'.

That is all for now, except for a small update that my sewing machine WILL eventually cooperate with me. (Context: it hasn't been.) I thought I wasn't threading it correctly but after having my mom look at it (I learned sewing from her), it seems there's a screw missing in the bobbin case. Oh well, there's a sewing machine maintenance store in walking distance of my house...

And then, I WILL get this cosplay dress sewn for my partner. And the cloak I promised a friend years ago. And *GLORIOUS* +BLACK+ ~FRILLS~ for moi.

Of moments when one feels lolita

After posting yesterday I tried to clean up my tags a bit. No more accidental tags like "thrifting diy lareine versailles halloween crafting"... Yeah, I probably forgot the commas when tagging that one.

Anyway, I'm at my favorite Coffee Bean near my house, sharing a mocha latte with my sheep.

Annabelle Lee says hai!

As well as cyber space, last night I also tried to clear up and reorganize my realspace, so it's closer to the dark lolita boudoir of goth fae princessness that I dream of having. I'm making progress! Enough to be proud of anyway.

I put all my accessories (below a certain size range) in one box, and I wanted to show you the result. I kid you not, that was the entire reason for this post. That, and not wanting to wait another month to post while I'm trying to revitalize my blog.

A box of black roses and lace!

My wardrobe is far from complete--indeed it's not even what I would consider 'acceptable' in the frills department. But sometimes when I see all these oddments gathered together like this, all of the particular aesthetic that makes me so happy, it's just...encouraging, you know?

On that note, I can't wait to get back to sewing, although I'm dreading having to get to know my new machine...

Of a gothy Witch and some neat questions

Hello again lovelies, I've been meaning to post again, but spoons are a thing (as in spoon theory, which you may find helpful if you haven't encountered it yet). Another issue is finding a topic.

But since I'd like to broaden my focus a bit to include goth and lolita stuffs (as usual)...as well as other aspects of my goals and interests that I find relevant to these two subcultures I love. And which, hopefully, others in those subcultures will find interesting or inspiring as well. After all, I have been from the beginning a lifestyle lolita, and I would say I'm a lifestyle goth but that's usually considered redundant.

So, a topic I thought might be interesting is The Intuitive Tag, one of those questionnaires that goes around the blogosphere. I first heard of it here, at the Enchanted Parlour, a blog that inspires me in how I want to shape my own.

1) Tell us about your first paranormal experience~

I don't have anything blatantly paranormal, but I've always had a sense of connection and communication with deity, or with 'a higher realm' or whatever you wish to call it.

I also had several instances when I was first getting interested in astrology where I was dumbstruck by how well the current planetary aspects or the planets in my chart seemed to fit. (Disclaimer: If you don't find astrology useful or helpful, that's fine! I don't judge anyone on that as we all have our own paths and worldviews. In particular I try not to bring it up around people who share one of my other loves, astronomy...)

2) Have you ever had a premonition?

Actually...yes. Sometimes I get a very strong feeling that something will happen or at least is very likely to. A very special memory was preceded by one of these hunches. Anyway, the feelings I get are within the realm of 'ordinary' good intuition (the nonmagickal kind), and I sort of like that quantum uncertainty of 'Is this magick or mundane?' Of course, to a Witch, that's in some ways a meaningless question as (to me) everything is both, or at least part of a coherent whole. 

3) When did you get your first Oracle or Tarot deck?

My first and only so far was bought for me last summer by my partner! I was really excited since I'd been wanting one for a long time. It's called the...Crystal Visions Tarot, I think? It has lots of faeries, and dreamlike art. And the swords are nicely gothy. (I need a deck eventually that's EVEN MOAR gothy, but baby steps you know.) I love it.

Also, the digital art project of my characters was inspired by wanting to have my own version of an oracle deck with the gods of my world. That's on hold while I make a different type of deck, namely a fan-deck for a TCG I play (Weiss Schwartz if you're interested), but I do want to complete it sometime.

4) What element do you most connect with?

Fire, most of all. I can say that my sign, Leo, fits me very well. But I've always, always been drawn to water as well, whether it's the ocean or the rain (it's raining right now!) or a forest stream. I find it somewhat difficult to connect to the others, though I'd like to get to know them better. I'm really interested in permaculture, for example (which obviously has to do with earth).

5) Do you believe in faeries?

I do, but not in a physical, concrete way. I think of the worlds of stories as connected to or part of our...emotional and spiritual reality? Like, the layer of the universe that's just behind what's physically 'real'. I don't mean another dimension or anything so prescriptive, just... You know, it's really hard to explain what I mean. I will move on and hope that you understand what I'm trying to say, and apologize to those who don't.

6) The Moon or the Sun: which do you prefer?

...

Is this even a question?

Seriously though, a harder question would be the moon or the stars (of which Sol is one I suppose :P ). I have always loved the stars, first as a poet, then also as a scientist (which continues to inspire my poetic side as I learn more about space). It took me a bit longer to connect with the moon, but I very much do now. For one, it reminds me of my Witchyness.

7) What is your favorite crystal or stone?

I don't know as much about them as I want to, but a few favorites:
Amethyst (yay purple), garnet (bloodred ones especially), peridot (my birthstone), sparkly white clear gems (there's my Elven sensibilities showing up)...


8) Can you see spirits or spirit beings?

I don't think so, no. Aside from the spiritual connection to deity and other realms that I've always experienced...

9) Would you rather fly on a broomstick, control fire, breathe underwater, or make things go faster?

Broomstick wheeee! I could celebrate Halloween in style. Or any night really. Or day.

There's really no contest, but my Fire Nation-y side is torn by the firebending option, and I might be tempted by breathing underwater if I got a tail to go with it. ;) But yeah, I'm a gothy witch. There is literally no contest.

10) What's an animal you connect to?

(I took out the word 'totem' as that feels appropriating to me.)

That is...hard. Even as a kid I could never really pick a'favorite animal', because I just don't connect that much to the animal kingdom. Well, I like snakes. Or possibly some sort of bird, or large ocean creature. Ravens and swans are important in my stories, and I like dolphins and whales. In fact last night I dreamt about rescuing a whale. A sign perhaps?

Ooh, I forgot--I do love bees. They're so complex and neat. And bats obviously.

11) Tell us about your first spirit guide

(I'm conflicted about this term as well. But I simply don't know whether it's appropriating or not so...I'll leave it with a disclaimer?)

Hmm. I've always found it very easy to 'converse' with characters--both mine, and those in works that I love. I would count those characters I talk to most as my spirit guides, if I have them.

Although, fun fact (I'm nervous saying this): Deity, or God and Goddess, came to me through my creative work, long before I even realized I wanted to be Wiccan. So, the gods of my world...are my own pantheon as well. I think it's pretty cool, but I'm always a bit shy to tell people that.

12) Do you connect more with the stars or the Earth?

 Stars, probably... But there's so much I want to do here on Earth, and to experience and change for the better.

Protip: nebulae are beautiful.

13) Your preferred method of blessing or cleansing?

Since I'm fairly new to this path, I haven't had the chance to explore most of the ritual elements yet. But in the future I hope to! 

14) What color do you feel most spiritually connected to?

Black. Besides being gothy, to me it feels like it holds profound, mysterious whimsy, dark romance and dramatic fantasicality. Yup. That's pretty much why I love it.

Actually I used to connect to white a lot, before I discovered goth. It reminded me of otherworldly starlight, and other such Elvish sentiments.