Of not farewells so much as transitions

Hello my dear ballroom dancers. It's been quite a while, again, for various reasons. Mental health issues, worrying that I didn't have a sufficiently gothy or lolita topic to write about, and so forth.

I've missed blogging and I've decided to try doing it again, but I think I need a new blog. A new environment to write in, since I've changed so much since starting this blog. When I started I was a cis girl in deep denial of her true gender, but it turns out I'm really a bigender trans man, and I'm nearly two months on testosterone. So I want a place where I can be Rainshadow (my masculine side) as well as Duskrose.

I won't be leaving the fashion behind. In fact I'm continuing to build and rebuild my goth and lolita wardrobe, in two genders this time. But I don't want my new blog to only be about one distinct part of my life, because I can't really disentangle aesthetic and creativity and gender and spirituality from each other. So I'll write about all of that, over at the Broken Spell Briars, where a prince finally wakens from his rose-twined slumber. Come follow me if you wish!

In honor of this blog, I'll leave you with some song lyrics. It's the chorus of my song "In the Midnight Ballroom."

Here in the midnight ballroom
Faerie, it haunts us all
I danced as Dusk in the roses' musk
But I wait for the moon to fall...

I look at the stars--it's raining
Starlight, he took my hand
"I am the face of the God, whose place
On your altar you understand."

Rebaptize me with a new name--
Tell Rain he can be a witch too!
And thy nameless Self and my heart that melts
Remind me to dream of you.

Thanks for everything.

Of the first new skirt

I just wanted to show you the first thing I've made for lolita in a while.
I wish I had a better picture of me wearing it, but this way my sheep gets to photo bomb.

Baaa(ts)~ <3

I know it's been a while between posts. I have a lot going on and I'm trying not to let anxiety get the best of me in between Getting Stuff Done. Until next time!

Of tags and Mabon

I've been wanting to clean up the tag system for quite some time.  It's a mess. And that's why the newest posts aren't tagged. It's hard to do this from a phone so I may have to wait till my laptop is either working or replaced. But here is the new list of categories (possibly to be updated later) so you'll know and so I won't forget them.

Works -- Crafting, sewing, art, music, writing. Anything creative. I thought about "craft" or similar as a tag but it doesn't seem broad enough to include art and writing, plus I'm a Witch so it might get confused with the Craft. ;)

Witchstuff -- Speaking of, anything related to my faith will go here. Like those giant questionnaires I like filling out. >.> Or oh that reminds me, I have a goth tarot deck I should show y'all.

Events -- Lolita meetups, NaNoWriMo write-ins, rituals and festivals, goth clubs, conventions, random parties. Those go here. If a post has, say, 5+ pictures, I'll try to add *Pic Spam* in the title.

OotD -- Outfit of the Day! For posts that include an outfit post, obviously. I'll be sewing more so I hope to post these more often.

Challenges -- So I can keep track of multi-day questionnaires and challenges that might come around the blogosphere.

Loves -- Things I like. Was going to be "fandom" but I want to include  things like other blogs, and online stores.

Goals -- Wherein I ramble about my plans for the future. Like webcomics, and recording my songs...

Personal -- My personal life and thoughts on things. This may be a more serious category. That post on depression would go here. Although, this category may include a more silly, "misc" side as well? We'll see.

--

Right now I'm really excited about the Mabon ritual I'm going to tomorrow night. It's an open group rather than a coven. After growing up in a cult, I can't stand the thought of submitting myself to religious leadership (although it may work for other people).

I don't often get to share my spirituality with others, so I can't wait to go and make friends. I'm really shy though, not least because this is so important to me. And well, I grew up having to defend and debate my feelings and views about religion, in ways I was almost never prepared to.

But even so, I don't want to get tongue-tied (unless it's because of my stuttering). I want to tell people that I work with the Horned God, in a strange, wonderful combination of Deity and lover, and how much he means to me. And I want to sing my hymns someday for people who'd appreciate them. ...You have no idea how hard that was to type out! But there. Yes. Anyway. Until next time!

Of dreams

A lot has happened in the past week -- well, fortnight. I'm finally learning to drive, and I've been working on the script for my webcomic. But the main thing I want to show you is a book I came across at the library. It's called Make Your Creative Dreams Real, by SARK. I think building a lolita wardrobe certainly counts as a creative dream!

I'd love to share my answers to questionnaire I filled out, but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to publish the questions? So let me just share a snippet where I wrote down what my ideal life would look like.

I publish my webcomic every day. I have a full wardrobe of the clothes I actually love. I sew and craft for my online store. I'm a lighthouse to people who want to fulfill their dreams, through my blog and other ways. My house is clean and shows my aesthetic. I perform my songs with a metal band. I have a large community of friends I can hang out with any time. My translation work is fulfilling and supports me. I can support others. I'm not adversely affected by my mental health. I'm involved in something to make the world better. 

It made me cry to write that, because it seems so far away. But this book made me feel like I can make it happen. I hope that it will inspire you as well. 

Of an eclipse-graced birthday

I turned 27 on the day of the eclipse. I wish I'd done a ritual or something, but I didn't even see it because I'm in L.A. However, I did dress in lolita for the first time in a long while. So, pics!

Annabelle Lee also dressed up!

(That dress turned out...really roomy. She should probably have a petticoat to go with it.)

And most of the rest of the herd.

Of capes and crafting

Hello, Ballroom dancers! I have returned from the trip I took to see extended family. To cope with the stress of long days on the road, and of being shoved partway back into the closet (although many people were a lot more accepting than I'd expected), I crocheted a trans pride cape.

It has butterflies (I like the symbolism) in the first two stripes,  and a shell pattern lower down. Then there's that rather complicated edging. I kept running out of pink yarn...

The clasp is a mermaid and says "mermaid at heart" (both true and, again, symbolic).

I'm really proud of it! Although,  it was weird working in such bright colors.

Now that I'm back, I want to work on getting into the translation business, although that seems really hard and scary right now. I'm also trying to finally learn to drive. I scheduled yet another learner's permit test this morning.

Speaking of long held goals, I bought fabric today! They had the Halloween stuff out, so walking in there was like a wonderland. I almost couldn't restrain myself.

But look. This is going to be a skirt. My first lolita piece in quite a while.

Black and spiderwebs and bats! Now that's more like it.

Of old songs

I've finished threading my sewing machine, although I may not actually start sewing until I get back from the family road trip. But still! I'm going to tackle a cosplay I was making for someone, of which I've already cut out the pieces. I just hope I can remember how to put them together. (The fabric is green, which for this goth loli is a really unusual color to be working with!)

While my laptop's been in the shop I'm working on organizing my old songs  that are set in the books I'm writing (which will soon become a webcomic). The ones by my character Lor (short for Lorcan) are under a header called Tome of Lor. I'm rather proud of that.

There are many fragments that I wanted to turn into compete songs, and "complete" songs that need reworking, which has been oddly stressful. "I need a second verse of this song, and this verse is too long so maybe part of it can be the bridge, and there's too many syllables here, and this looks like a chorus but what song does it fit with?" Stuff like that. I'm still working on the plan to put up (low quality) recordings of them. Just as a start, you know.

I guess I'd better get back to that. It's time to do Taralyn's songs. And to get ready for my second to last day of work...I wish it were over already. Until next time, Ballroom dancers.